i came out of the lion's gate

and arrived at a place beyond the binary

tl;dr

i am angel. i am non-binary. my pronouns are they/them/we/us.

“out of the lion’s gate”, aug 2021, a selfie.

while the witches were casting love spells and meditating in the 5d realm during the lion’s gate portal last month,

i listened to the 3am crickets and felt into myself:

a gnawing pit in the stomach when sentences begin with “woman should…” “men are supposed to…” “boys are…” “girls tend to…”

an emptiness of my sight, even though i am seeing, when i walk into a store designating aisles based on genders, as if my skin really needs a different soap than that of a person with a penis

none of these gender designations make sense to me.

*

i dream of a world where everyone gets to be whoever they want to be,

a world where we live beyond categories that reduce us to the gonads or to the volume of our titties,

what kind of dance will we get into?

what kind of songs will we sing? 

* 

i think of the experiences when the gender identity of a woman seemed to have benefitted me

scratch off a shiny film of “pretty” to see a card with a name called cis-het-white-supremacist-imperialist-capitalist patriarchy¹ 

i learned that the history of dividing people into one of the two sexes featured a roomful of exclusively cis-white-men,

who needed to operationalize owning feminine bodies as properties

and so they picked with what was between their thighs and forgot that part of themselves would be lost, too

i cannot be reduced to my reproductive system, nor can the organs be boxed into a fixed construct

for the womb is our first home, a piece of primordial poetry beyond biology, a void of darkness that holds the potential of everything 

*

at the closing of the portal, i emerged a little differently, with a little bit more awareness of my nuances:

i want everyone to live the fullest expression of themselves,

and so I need to live the fullest expression of me.

Alok Vaid-Menon said² that trans and non-conforming people had to prioritize and choose themselves in a world that made them contort themselves into someone else's fiction

i dont want to be a conceptual gymnast 

i am angel 

i am coming home to being 

i am beyond the gender binary

my pronouns are they/them/we/us³

i am free

1. inspired by the words of Bell Hooks:

2. an interview that shaped me

3. If you have a problem with these pronouns, ask yourself, “Do I really care about the people who made the rules about pronouns to begin with? Did they have my interest in mind?” If the answer is yes to any of these questions, please keep your comments to yourself (fright now I have no desire to labor for your understanding).